Understanding Self-Harming Behaviors in Middle School
Caryl Altman, MS,
School Counseling , RTC
ECMS 6th &
7th grade Counselor
Adolescence is that very unique time of life when
predictable, complacent children begin to morph into independence-seeking, mood
fluctuating, curious young teens. Middle school children experience rapid growth and changes
affecting all areas of their lives, including cognitive, academic, social and
physical and emotional. We all
have experienced these changes.
However, today’s young teens are challenged with a higher level of
expectations in the 21st Century.
Middle school is an exciting time; however, it can also be a
stressful time. As school counselor for 20+ years, I have seen first hand
how stress adversely impacts our children. Some will seek out adults for help; others will keep silent and
find their own way to get relief from stress and emotional pain. Unfortunately, some teens will engage
in self-harm, which comes in many forms.
The most common type of self-injury is cutting.
Why Would A Young
Person Do This?
As parents, cutting behavior can be both frightening and
difficult to understand. Teens who
cut are usually seeking relief from pressure, anger, shame, relationship
issues, etc. These children may
need to develop positive coping skills in order to handle difficult life issues. Without such skills, they may feel
overwhelmed and out of control.
Teens who cut are often seeking a way to deal with feelings and to be
“in control.”
Who Cuts?
Self-injury is more common in females, but it also happens
with males. Teens and young adults
are the primary group who hurt themselves as a means of coping with
emotions. Cutting behaviors happen
across the board and are not specific to socio-economic status or ethnic group.
What Parents Can
Do
Usually, teens who cut seek to hide the cutting behavior. They guard their emotions
carefully. They cover their cuts
(never baring their arms or legs, not wanting to wear a bathing suit,
etc). In other words, cutting can
go on for a long time without someone noting that injury is present.
Once the cutting behavior is discovered, there are ways for
you to help your child.
* First, be aware of your own emotions. You may experience feelings of shock, guilt, anger, fear, or sadness. These feelings are natural and
understandable.
*Educate yourself about cutting. Knowledge is power and will give you the tools to help your
child towards healing and resolving his/her issues.
* Talk to your child.
As painful as this can be, it’s imperative that you speak with your
child and let him/her know you are aware of the cutting. Follow that up with expressing your
love and concern as well as your intentions to help and support him/her
unconditionally.
* Be there for your child. Listen to him/her and help problem solve difficult
situations. Encourage the child to talk about everyday experiences and put
feelings, needs, and disappointments into words.
* Spend quality time together doing fun, relaxing
activities, or simply hang out together.
* Be aware of how you handle stress and daily
pressures. Be willing to make
changes in your own behaviors if you are quick to anger or self-critical.
.
*Seek professional help. Therapy can assist you and your child in dealing with the
hurt and as well as developing coping skills. It is very important to find a therapist with whom your
child feels comfortable. In
addition, your child’s pediatrician can be invaluable. School counselors are good resources in
finding help for you and your child.
The most important thing you can do for your child is to be
patient. Healing takes time, love
and support. With encouragement and patience, your child can stop cutting and
grow into a healthy, happy person.
References:
Kidshealth.org
Mental Health Association of Arizona
WebMD
A great website from the UK on
cutting and self-harming behaviors
Further questions: email Ms. Caryl Altman at caltman@cfsd16.org
