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Friday, November 20, 2015

The Facts About Sexting: What Parents Need to Know


THE FACTS ABOUT SEXTING:  WHAT PARENTS NEED TO KNOW

Recently, several parents asked if our school could provide information about cyberbullying.  Our amazing FFO Executive Board has weighed in and agreed that we need to bring back NOT MY KID, a presentation for parents, students and staff in 2nd semester.   This article is the first in a series.  I want to focus on the practice of sexting, a disturbing, damaging and potentially illegal practice. Sexting can result in embarrassment,  harassment and heartache for its victims.  It is often an impulsive act.  Here's what the current literature is saying:

WHAT IS SEXTING?

We have heard many stories about sexting among adolescents in the media.  The term "sexting" found its way into the Merriam Webster Collegiate Dictionary in 2012.  The definition of sexting is "the sending of sexually explicit messages or images by cell phone."


STATISTICS: this is a list of Sexting Teenage Statistics from studies done by The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, The Pew Internet & American Life Project and the Cox Communications Teen Online & Wireless Safety Survey.

Percent of teens who have sent or posted nude or semi-nude photos or videos of themselves:
• 20% of teens overall
• 22% of teen girls
• 18% of teen boys
• 11% of young teen girls between the ages 13-16


Percent of teens that sent sexually suggestive messages via text, email or instant messaging:
• 39% of all teens
• 37% of teen girls
• 40% of teen boys
• 48% of teens say they have received such messages


Other Statistics:
• 71% of teen girls and 67% of teen boys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content say they have sent/posted this content to a boyfriend/girlfriend.

• 75% of teens say sending sexually suggestive content “can have serious negative consequences."

• 66% of teen girls and 60% of teen boys say they did so to be “fun or flirtatious”— their most common reason for sending sexy content.

• 44% of both teen girls and teen boys say they sent sexually suggestive messages or images in response to such content they received.

• 40% of teen girls said they sent sexually suggestive messages or images as “a joke.”

What to do if your child receives an inappropriate text message or photo:

MAKE SURE:  to never forward, copy, transmit, download, store, transfer, or share an inappropriate image in any way with a non-law enforcement individual. 

Copyright © 2009 National Center for Missing & Exploited Children. All rights reserved.

Preventing Sexting Among Teens: How to Talk to Your Child About This Serious Issue (here are some conversation starters):

THINK ABOUT THE CONSEQUENCESof taking, sending, or forwarding explicit texts or photos of someone underage (that includes photos of yourself).  You could get face school disciplinary consequences, humiliation, and potentially get in trouble with the law. 

NEVER TAKE images of yourself that you wouldn’t want everyone—your classmates, your teachers, your family, etc—to see.

BEFORE HITTING SEND…remember that you can’t control where this image may travel. What you send to classmates could easily end up with their friends, and their friends, and their friends.  In other words, strangers will have your image!

REPORT…any inappropriate pictures or messages you receive on your cell phone to an adult you trust. Do not delete or forward the message. Instead, get your parents or guardians, teachers, and school counselors involved immediately.  This could also be a police matter. Forwarding explicit images of minors is a crime.   

Next article:  Dealing with cyberbullying that happens when your child is at home vs at school.  STAY TUNED!



Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Self-harming behaviors: What Parents Need to Know About Cutting


Understanding Self-Harming Behaviors in Middle School

Caryl Altman, MS, School Counseling , RTC
ECMS 6th & 7th grade Counselor

Adolescence is that very unique time of life when predictable, complacent children begin to morph into independence-seeking, mood fluctuating, curious young teens. Middle school children experience rapid growth and changes affecting all areas of their lives, including cognitive, academic, social and physical and emotional.  We all have experienced these changes.  However, today’s young teens are challenged with a higher level of expectations in the 21st Century. 

Middle school is an exciting time; however, it can also be a stressful time.  As school counselor for 20+ years, I have seen first hand how stress adversely impacts our children.  Some will seek out adults for help; others will keep silent and find their own way to get relief from stress and emotional pain.  Unfortunately, some teens will engage in self-harm, which comes in many forms.  The most common type of self-injury is cutting.

Why Would A Young Person Do This?
As parents, cutting behavior can be both frightening and difficult to understand.  Teens who cut are usually seeking relief from pressure, anger, shame, relationship issues, etc.  These children may need to develop positive coping skills in order to handle difficult life issues.  Without such skills, they may feel overwhelmed and out of control.  Teens who cut are often seeking a way to deal with feelings and to be “in control.”

Who Cuts?
Self-injury is more common in females, but it also happens with males.  Teens and young adults are the primary group who hurt themselves as a means of coping with emotions.  Cutting behaviors happen across the board and are not specific to socio-economic status or ethnic group.

What Parents Can Do
Usually, teens who cut seek to hide the cutting behavior.  They guard their emotions carefully.  They cover their cuts (never baring their arms or legs, not wanting to wear a bathing suit, etc).  In other words, cutting can go on for a long time without someone noting that injury is present.

Once the cutting behavior is discovered, there are ways for you to help your child.

* First, be aware of your own emotions.  You may experience feelings of shock,  guilt, anger, fear, or sadness.  These feelings are natural and understandable. 

*Educate yourself about cutting.  Knowledge is power and will give you the tools to help your child towards healing and resolving his/her issues. 

* Talk to your child.  As painful as this can be, it’s imperative that you speak with your child and let him/her know you are aware of the cutting.  Follow that up with expressing your love and concern as well as your intentions to help and support him/her unconditionally. 

* Be there for your child.  Listen to him/her and help problem solve difficult situations. Encourage the child to talk about everyday experiences and put feelings, needs, and disappointments into words.

* Spend quality time together doing fun, relaxing activities, or simply hang out together.

* Be aware of how you handle stress and daily pressures.  Be willing to make changes in your own behaviors if you are quick to anger or self-critical.
.
*Seek professional help.  Therapy can assist you and your child in dealing with the hurt and as well as developing coping skills.  It is very important to find a therapist with whom your child feels comfortable.  In addition, your child’s pediatrician can be invaluable.  School counselors are good resources in finding help for you and your child.

The most important thing you can do for your child is to be patient.  Healing takes time, love and support. With encouragement and patience, your child can stop cutting and grow into a healthy, happy person. 

References:
Kidshealth.org
Mental Health Association of Arizona
WebMD

A great website from the UK on cutting and self-harming behaviors

Further questions:  email Ms. Caryl Altman at caltman@cfsd16.org

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Foothills Lego Robotics Team WINS AZFLL State Championship over 61 teams from across Arizona





 Representatives of Local Legends and Team Jason
ARIZONA FIRST LEGO LEAGUE Tournament at Arizona State University on Saturday

Guest Blogger: Julie Farbarik, ECMS parent

Our 2 Foothills FLL teams did exceptionally well at yesterday’s FIRST Lego League tournament.

Local Legends WON the AZFLL State Championship over 61 teams from across Arizona.  In taking home the Champions Award, they were recognized as the team that embodies the FLL experience by fully embracing the program’s Core Values while achieving excellence and innovation in both the Robot Game and the project.  They will represent the state of Arizona at the LEGO World Festival in April 2015 in St Louis, MO.

Coaches: Ms. Charlotte Ackerman and Ms. Nancy Hsiao.  
The team has 3 ECMS students and 2 BASIS students.  ECMS students: Michael Gross, Jeremy Wang and Josh Tint.  BASIS students: Alex and Wesley Chiu.

Code Name: JASON, with ECMS 8th graders Sean Bergan, Andy Liaupsin, Alex Melde, Jason Peper and Jackson Tint, won the Robot Strategy and Innovation Award, which recognizes a team that uses solid engineering practices and a well-developed strategy to design and build an innovative, high performing robot.  

Coach Kerrie Bergan, ECMS parent, won the Vivian Chen Adult Coach/Mentor Award (AZFLL Coach of the Year) for her work with Code Name: JASON as well as mentoring other Foothills teams.  

The two teams, while in direct competition with each other through the past few months, supported each other throughout the season culminating in great behavior at the tournament, high fiving and fist bumping after each challenge.  At yesterday’s awards ceremony when one team won, the other would stand and cheer.  It was fun to see the FLL spirit of 'gracious professionalism’ in action in our Foothills boys.  We have much to cheer! 

Fun fact:  Ms. Kerrie Bergan has coached most of the students on Local Legends throughout the years; and Ms. Charlotte Ackerman has coached members of Code Name: JASON, so there is much mutual support of each other.



Friday, December 5, 2014

Supporting ECMS with Tax Credit Dollars


Dear Parents:

 Our Community Schools Director, Mr. Travis Kolter, has beautifully organized 
this blog entry about Arizona Tax Credit in CFSD and is, indeed, my guest blogger!  We thank our families for their tax credit donations. Your generosity is greatly appreciated.

Mary Setliff, Principal


Arizona Tax Credit in the Foothills
by Travis Kolter, Director of Community Schools

The Catalina Foothills School District is a wonderful school community! It is impressive to see a community with such a commitment to educational excellence and support of the schools here in the Foothills.  CFSD would not be the district it is today without the community that surrounds and supports it! The success of our schools' extracurricular programs is tied to the generous contributions of community members who divert some of their state tax funds to the CFSD programs of their choice!

How does it Work?
Any Arizona taxpayer has the opportunity to give to Catalina Foothills School District instead of paying it in taxes. The donation must be earmarked for support of one of our many qualifying fee-based, extracurricular activities. We'll send the donor a receipt for their records. Then, when the taxpayer fills out their 2014 Arizona state taxes, they can subtract the amount of the donation, up to $400 (joint filers) and $200 (individuals), from what is owed in state taxes.  This is not just a tax deduction…it is a tax credit that reduces the amount of taxes owed to the state, dollar-for-dollar.  For more information about how this credit will work for your individual tax situation, contact your tax advisor.

How are these Dollars Spent?
Tax Credit dollars are spent to support fee-based, extra-curricular offerings. However, regular communication between building principals and Community Schools, leads to a beneficial partnerships that also helps support the needs at each school, as dollars are spent to serve a joint purpose.

What is the Tax Credit Goal at Esperero Canyon Middle School?
We are aiming for $35,000…that is only 175 individuals at $200 each!

Where Can I Donate?
You can donate online (http://www.cfsd16.org/public/_community/donate.aspx) with your credit card or fill out the 2014 Tax Credit Form, which can be mailed to Murphey Administration Center, 2101 E River Rd., Tucson, AZ, 85718 or dropped off in person at any CFSD school, by December 31, 2014. Please make checks payable to Catalina Foothills School District (CFSD) and note the program to which you'd like to contribute on the check.

What have we purchased at Esperero with tax credit dollars?

Here are some of the things that Community Schools and Ms. Setliff have worked together on within the past 4 years:

·      Math remediation software
·      12 Additional iPads and cases to benefit ECMS students and Community Schools Programs (current project goal)
·      15 iPads, iPad cart (iPow) and iPad software to benefit ECMS students and Community Schools programs
·      Basketball and Soccer Uniforms utilized by ECMS students
·      Volleyball poles and nets (joint project between ECMS FFO dollars and tax credit dollars) used by ECMS Physical Education teachers, students, and Community Schools
·      Athletic equipment utilized by EC students, staff and Community Schools
·      Maintenance of soccer, softball and baseball fields utilized by ECMS Physical Education teachers, students, and Community Schools

 Digital Cameras utilized by ECMS students in yearbook class

      My sincere thanks to Mr. Kolter for being my guest blogger.  Partnering with Community Schools is always a great experience.   We are able to offer an amazing array of opportunities for students in the areas of fine arts, science, sports, and yoga. Community Schools enriches our students'  educational experience by providing high quality late start and after-school experiences.  Please consider donating your tax credit dollars today!!! Thanks for all that you do for our students!  And HAPPY HOLIDAYS to our wonderful Eagle Families!!!
    
      Best, 
      Mary 
·
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Saturday, November 22, 2014

Current Research on Dating in Middle School: What Parents Need to Know

This month, my guest blogger is Jack Simons, our 8th grade counselor at ECMS.  Jack's background in counseling is in high school and middle school.  He is currently finishing his doctoral dissertation in the Department of Counseling and Family Therapy at the University of Missouri, St. Louis. 

Middle School Dating? What is it, and Should My Child Be Doing It?
By Jack Simons, M.Ed., LPC
Esperero Canyon Middle School 8th Grade Counselor

As a middle school counselor, I often wonder which students are dating among the 8th graders with whom I work.  Occasionally, a student tells me that she or he is dating, but this is very rare. Moreover, when I ask students about what dating means, responses always vary. It appears that a pure definition of what it means to be dating does not exist for these students. Some can only smile making me wonder what they are actually really thinking about. Parents have questions too. They ask, “Do you think that my daughter or son should be dating?” Indeed, dating is a perplexing area for early adolescent youth and their family members.

While there is literature that exists which supports dating and offers recommendations for students, there is also literature that discounts the practice. And, more of the latter research has been published. A quick review appears to indicate that more negative consequences exist for students who date at the middle school level than those who do not. A database search brings up words such as aggression, drug use, academic failure, psychological harm, prevention programs, and more. As parent myself with a daughter who will be an early adolescent in just a few short years, this finding makes me hold my breath. I ask, “What could be so harmful about a student who wishes to date earlier than others? What exactly are these risks?” Well, the reality is the costs appear to outweigh the benefits – at least for now. Regardless of how well intentioned your child is, when it comes to formally dating, she or he may be on the precipice of peril. Major consequences are clearly present for middle school students who date.  These students are more likely to develop poor study skills and problems with substance use. They are also more likely to drop out of school. Why might this be?

Learning to date is like taking a new class. I see that even the most successful and well-intentioned middle school students could find it overwhelming. Dating introduces factors including confusion, distraction, and discussions about intimacy. Defining what it means to date is challenging. On one hand a student might think that dating is exchanging a few text messages whereas another might think that it is about spending every waking moment of the day with another person. I could easily see this affecting a student’s schoolwork and emerging academic identity. Peer reviewed research has confirmed these outcomes as well. Orpinas et al. (2013) studied the trajectories of students enrolled in 6th grade. Special attention was paid to their study skills and dropout rates as well as drug use levels. It was discovered that 60% of the students who began dating early had significantly worse study skills. They were also more likely to drop out of school and use alcohol, tobacco, and marijuana more.

Rebecca Hill of schoolfamily.com provides the following recommendations for parents of students who ask about dating: (1) Have early ongoing conversations about dating with your children. (2) Make an effort to guide your children. Avoid power struggles and work towards middle ground when trying to establish what dating looks like. Questions to ask include, “What do you expect in a relationship? How do you want to be treated? How do you plan to treat others in a relationship?” (3) Oversee electronic media in the lives of your children and know who they are contacting. (4) Promote positive peer relationships in the lives of your children. Individuals in these relationships are often drawn upon by children before they contact you. (5) Connect with your children to develop a better sense of how to nurture them. They will remember these interactions whether they want them or not, and they are observing your relationships too.

To conclude, “Should dating be excluded from the middle school?” I would say most likely, yes, but not always. It’s worth a discussion with your child, and the outcome depends on your child’s needs. As a parent, you will make the final the decision, and hopefully with more knowledge and discussion with your child, you will be able to make choices that are in your child’s best interest and welfare. As a school counselor, I support modeling healthy dating behavior practices, providing students with dating information, and, certainly, always advocating for school success.  

References

Hill, R. A. (2014). Dating in middle school: Is it worth the risk? School Family: Your Go-To for School Success. Retrieved from http://www.schoolfamily.com/school-family-articles/article/10879-dating-in-middle-school-is-it-worth-the-risk
Orpinas, P., Horne, A. M., Song, X., Reeves, P. M. & Hsieh, H. (2013). Dating trajectories from middle to high school: Association with academic performance and drug use. Journal of Research on Adolescence, 23(4), 772-784. doi: 10.1111/jora.12029

Ten (Humble) Suggestions for Parents on How to Address Middle School Dating
by Mary Setliff,  ECMS Principal

1.  Don’t call it “dating.” Call it “hanging out."  Emphasize friendship. 
2.  Make "hanging out" with friends something that happens under your supervision. Taking kids out for a movie and pizza or to the game are all possibilities.  This de-emphasizes "dating" and makes it less glamorous.  
3.  Avoid "couple speak."  Making seemingly innocuous statements like "You look cute together" may not send the message you intend. Instead of "boyfriend" or "girlfriend," say "friend" when referring to your child's pals. 
4.  When students talk about romance and fantasies of love and marriage, be direct.  Tell them that you believe that they are too young to date. Explain why.  
5.  Focus on school;  encourage effort; monitor your child's academic progress regularly. The social aspect of school should not be the first concern.  In truth, a student needs only a couple of good, solid friendships and an ability to be happy in his/her own company.  
6.  If your child goes out with friends, you have a right to know all of the details.  There should be a plan in place where all time is accounted for.   If details are sketchy, consider getting more information before you say "yes" to the outing.
7.  Misuse of social media among adolescents can lead to unhealthy boundaries and abusive, controlling behaviors in potential dating scenarios.  This can happen in middle school when students become intensely involved. Talk to your child about his/her use of social media. Monitor, monitor, monitor…it is your right as a parent. Highly rated parental control software products according to PC Magazine include Net Nanny, Web Watcher, McAfee Safe Eyes and PC Pandora.  
8.  Remember  that 10 percent of students in grades 9 to 12 consistently say they’ve been physically hurt on purpose by a dating partner during the past year, according to the ongoing Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) youth risk surveys.  It is important to start talking to students about safe relationships and healthy boundaries.  
9.  If you feel that your child is dating too early and don't know what to do about it, seek professional help sooner rather than later. Your school guidance counselor is a great place to start.  
10.  In middle school, dating in unchartered territory for both parents and students.  It is one thing to experience adolescence firsthand, yet another to experience it as a parent.  Take advantage of local parent educational opportunities.  Talk to other parents.  You will find you are not alone.  


Thanks to Jack for his expertise!  Jack is at jsimons@cfsd16.org

Caryl Altman is our 6th and 7th grade counselor.  She and I will be teaming up to write about eating disorders and cutting in the next EAGLE ANGLE.  Caryl can be reached at caltman@cfsd16.org. 

We are so fortunate at ECMS to have such a competent and highly qualified counseling staff.  Thanks to Jack and Caryl for all they do for our kids!

Please write to me at msetliff@cfsd16.org or simply post a comment!

Sunday, October 26, 2014

School Tragedies and How to Talk to Kids

Safety of students is one of our primary concerns at Esperero and in CFSD.  Friday’s tragedy at Marysville Pilchuck High School near Seattle may cause students to feel anxious and to ask questions about the safety and security of school. This entry is taken from one of my 2012 blogs that took place shortly after the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting.


Here are some suggestions:

1.  Limit students' exposure to the media coverage.  Such reports can make students very upset, especially younger students.
2.  Provide a straightforward explanation of the facts surrounding the tragedy.
3.  Stress the safe environment at Esperero and in CFSD.
4.  Return to a normal routine.
5.  Know that it is okay to feel upset or angry.
6.  Focus on compassion for the victims and their families.  

Take some time to talk and listen to your children. 

Two questions I like to ask are "What do you know?"  and "What have you heard?"  This helps us as adults to ascertain what kids know so that we can gently correct any misinformation that they might have.

Some language that might be helpful . . . "The events at Marysville are tragic.  But, in truth, our school is very safe.  Everyone who enters our campus is carefully screened and is wearing some form of ID (including our students, teachers, and parents).  We  continue to check IDs at the gate every morning, and to practice fire drills, lock downs and evacuations.  Teachers and staff at Esperero talk to students and make it their business to understand what is happening among the student body. Conflicts between students are constantly monitored and resolved very quickly by the teachers, counselors, administration and parents."


Thanks to RoseMarie Cress, our school psychologist, for her suggestions for this entry two years ago. Sadly, we are addressing the same issue once again.  
Please hold the Marysville Pilchuck High School students,  staff and families in your hearts.  Also, please reach out with condolences to the Tulalip Tribes, a small Native American community grieving in the wake of this tragedy.  

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Thank You for Telling On Our Students

  I attended our FFO event at Hacienda Del Sol on Friday evening.  A lovely time was had by all.  Two sets of our wonderful parents were seated at a table.   I made my way over to say hello.  They proceeded to tell me two incidents that left me beaming with Eagle Pride.  One of the moms told me that her student lost a Nook (portable digital reading device) in the first few weeks of school and was pretty heartbroken, never expecting to see it again. In no time at all, a good citizen on our campus found the device and turned it in.  The Nook is now back with its owner.
   Another heartwarming story was about a student who had left an IPHONE on our campus.  The student went back much later in the day, without much hope of finding the lost phone.  The IPHONE was still where it had been left. No one had taken it.
   Parents remind me that this is not so in other places.  They also said that they perceive our students to be very honorable young people.  I agree.
    Eagle On, students!  Thanks for being responsible by making good choices!